I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
