Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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