i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize