I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
