I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
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