im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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