Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
