Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.

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  (904): I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything. http://tfl.nu/zym5
  Replies (71) Good night (607) Bad night (2745) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

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  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (6005) Bad night (880)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

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  (303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi
  Replies (11) Good night (4208) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?

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  (301): Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich? http://tfl.nu/66qn
  Replies (25) Good night (5291) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"

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  (856): When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one" http://tfl.nu/6em2
  Replies (11) Good night (2757) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.

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  (716): IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again. http://tfl.nu/cfdh
  Replies (7) Good night (1994) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.

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  (970): Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose. http://tfl.nu/6jp2
  Replies (3) Good night (644) Bad night (1753) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina

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  (313): First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina http://tfl.nu/jm59
  Replies (10) Good night (3167) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?

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  (587): Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature? http://tfl.nu/gy0w
  Replies (7) Good night (1168) Bad night (264)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor

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  (610): Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor http://tfl.nu/pp4j
  Replies (1) Good night (765) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)

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  (774): I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-) http://tfl.nu/aq14
  Replies (8) Good night (1382) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.

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  (661): He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/6vas
  Replies (25) Good night (3253) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.

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  (913): "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol. http://tfl.nu/3cka
  Replies (6) Good night (1058) Bad night (293)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball

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  (813): It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball http://tfl.nu/dyfa
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (226) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.

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  (801): I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck. http://tfl.nu/p42i
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (139) Order T-Shirt

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