I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
