i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
