I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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