his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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