After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
