Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
