Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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