That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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