Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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