you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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