If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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