I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
