Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i barfeds in our rink
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
