You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
