When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
