And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The Olympian is in my bed
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