Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize