I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
