so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
