wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
