a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
