i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
