Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
