Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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