Jerry, you need to find god
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
