I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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