OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
