I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
