my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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