wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
