I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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