some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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