I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
