Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
