haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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