I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
