i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
