you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
