i just had sex bonerless
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
