wat bout pragnant strippers??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I believe in your delicious
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
