he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
