That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
