all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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