you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
