I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
