Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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