You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
