Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
