i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
BRING THE BAGELS
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
