There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
