if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
