My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
