gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
