There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
