I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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