I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
