you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
soo... how was my night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
