normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ttyl tear gas
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
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I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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