i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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