ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
