Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
