when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
