Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
